|
How to read personal ads.... |
| From
Women: |
From
Men: |
| 40-ish:
48 |
40-ish:
52 and looking for 25-yr-old |
| Adventurer:
Has had more partners than you ever will |
Athletic:
Sits on the couch and watches ESPN |
| Athletic:
Flat-chested |
Average
looking: Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back
|
| Average
looking: Ugly |
Educated:
Will always treat you like an idiot |
| Beautiful:
Pathological liar |
Free
Spirit: Sleeps with your sister |
| Contagious
Smile: Bring your penicillin |
Friendship
first: As long as friendship involves nudity |
| Educated:
College dropout |
Fun:
Good with a remote and a six pack |
| Emotionally
Secure: Medicated |
Good
looking: Arrogant |
| Feminist:
Fat; ball buster |
Honest:
Pathological Liar |
| Free
spirit: Substance user |
Huggable:
Overweight, more body hair than a bear |
| Friendship
first: Trying to live down reputation as slut |
Like
to cuddle: Insecure, overly dependent |
| Fun:
Annoying |
Mature:
Until you get to know him |
| Gentle:
Comatose |
Open-minded:
Wants to sleep with your sister but she's not interested
|
| Good
Listener: Borderline Autistic |
Physically
fit: I spend a lot of time in front of mirror admiring
myself |
| New-Age:
All body hair, all the time |
Poet:
Has written on a bathroom stall |
| Old-fashioned:
Lights out, missionary position only |
Spiritual:
Once went to church with his grandmother on Easter Sunday
|
| Open-minded:
Desperate |
Stable:
Occasional stalker, but never arrested |
| Outgoing/Passionate:
Loud |
Thoughtful:
Says "Please" when demanding a beer |
| Wants
Soulmate: One step away from stalking |
Independently
wealthy: Inherited money from Mommy & Daddy |
| Seeks
financially-solvent male: Gold digger |
Seeks
long-term Relationship: Drop dead after we sleep together
|
| Professional:
Real Witch |
Likes
to talk: Machiavellian, see "honest" |
| Redhead:
Shops the Clairol section |
Iconoclast,
Independent: Homeless |
| Weight
proportional to height: Hugely Fat, Voluptuous: Very Fat,
Reubenesque: Grossly Fat |
Bored:
Suicidal |
| Romantic:
Looks better by candle light |
Geek:
Washed jeans last month |
| Widow:
Nagged first husband to death |
Financially
secure: Seeking father/daughter relationship |
| |
